I am training for a half marathon in September. Today I ran 8.5 miles. I did spectacular, but that’s not what this post is about.

At the beginning of the year, I said this was going to be MY year. I was reflecting on my life. It seems I have had made some mental shifts. I have written about some of them…..am now open to moving, letting go of a friendship gone sour, laying off of Kevin, living a more natural life, thinking I am able to run distance. I know there are more, however they aren’t coming to the front of my brain yet. I feel much more open to what life has for me. My business is taking me down some exciting roads I had no idea. Some relationships have grown stronger. I have finally found a mentor that I have been praying for for quite some time.

Now, if only I can master balance, life would be perfect.

Tags: balance • reflect • run

We have finally ventured into the land of family camping. I took Chandlur once when he was a baby and it was MISERABLE! We had no idea how Miss Adalyn would do. It was just Kevin, her, and I because the other 3 were other places for the weekend. We went one night out to Fish Lake. It was a bring your own water and s#!t shovel. The day before we went shopping and had to get some supplies since we didn’t have much. That was an adventure in itself! Me with 2 little kids and this tiny shopping cart lugging around tons of crap. Thankfully an employee saw my struggle and offered to help. So, back to camping…… We hadn’t gone to this place before so we had no idea what to expect. We had to hike up and down this huge hill/trail down to the site from our car. That was fun! It was a nice chill time and baby did so much better than I could have even hoped! She slept just fine and even napped. She spent lots of time in her bouncy seat we usually keep outside for her. When the smoke got in her eyes, she would spin around and not even a peep. She never fussed once! It was a nice test run and quite successful. I think we will finally be able to be a camping family!

Tags: camping • family • vacation

I have always said it would take A LOT (just about impossible) to get me to move away from this amazing state. I truly love it here. Even a few months ago, I was adamantly opposed to moving anywhere when Kevin brought up the idea of moving for a new position within his company. A couple months ago I was entertaining the thought of all of us moving to Japan for a couple years. Today Kevin came home and said there are some positions opening soon in New York for those with financial/insurance background. I had came back from a run and wanted to shower. In the shower I was pondering this change of heart. I would be happy to move to the east coast. When did it change? Why did it change? As I was envisioning recreating my life and my business in a different state, I felt God tap on my shoulder. He gave me this picture. He is rubbing his hands together with an ear to ear smile on his face. He is saying “This is going to be delicious!!”. Last week in Bible study we were talking about a time when God was preparing you beforehand for a decision that needed to be made quickly. Is this God preparing me, or a release of attachment?

Tags: moving

I love the small moments with my kids, the moments I cherish. I got some with 3 out of 4 kids today. It was a bleh kinda day, about the only smiles I got today. Vahny and I had a tickle fight this morning, that crazy hair that desperately needs to be cut, and those extra blue eyes because he has been kissed by the sun. Goodness, he is so cute with those blue eyes and his craters (dimples that are incredibly deep).

I got to take Chandlur to his therapy session tonight. He also displayed his sweet character during therapy. JoAnnita stubbed her toe and he stopped mid sentence to make sure she was ok. He held one of the swings on his obstacle course so it wouldn’t bump into me. He even did the best I have seen with listening and remembering what animal to pick up and which color hula hoop to throw it in. Toping that all off with our car conversation of what his favorite music is. It warms my heart to see him improving and when we have more big boy type of conversations. That kid is so amazing!

Now, my sweet Adalyn. She loves to be tossed around, wrestled with, and tickled. Her laugh has just changed. It is more toddler and less baby. She also loves to dance around, dipping and all. There was a song on that I really like, Aerosmith’s “Dream On”, and she wanted me to pick her up. I had just gotten back from Chandlur’s appointment and she missed her mommy. I flung her around, dipped her, twirled in circles and had her giggling.

I live for these small moments I get with my babies.

Tags: happiness • small moments • therapy

I have grown to love yoga.  What amazes me even more is that almost always I am sore the next day.  My favorite yoga teacher reads a passage from The Book of Awakening just about every session.  Sometimes it speaks to me, sometimes it is just a nice reading.  Today it spoke.  Tonight is was about really feeling.  We spend so much time covering ourselves up.  There was a line that said something to the effect under every anger is a hurt.  I almost cried.  A light bulb went off.  I keep getting angry at Kevin because I sacrificed so much for the last 6 years so he could try to start different businesses.  Now it should be my turn.  Unfortunately I haven’t gotten that same sacrifice.  He struggles to do the small things I ask.  A stay at home mom is the equivalent to 2 full time jobs in and of itself!  I have made my health a priority and have been working out at least an hour 5-6 days a week.  To top it all off, I have finally gotten the courage to start my business, Organic Baby Birth Services.  I have been putting A LOT of time and energy in schooling/learning and all the stuff that comes with starting a new business.  I have been working my ass off!  While I am proud of where I am physically and with my business, mentally I struggle.  Anger seeps in, some days exhaustion threatens to take over.  I sacrificed so much for Kevin, why can’t he sacrifice for me? He has started talking about going to school to finish getting his degree.  I keep asking him, when is it going to be MY turn?  Why am I the one who has to remember everything with the kids?  Why am I the one who has to constantly clean the house (have you ever tried to keep up with an adventurous, inquisitive 1 year old?)?  I keep asking for what I need and for whatever reason, it doesn’t happen.  I could go on.  I struggle very much with keeping bitterness at bay, enjoying the moment, trying to let go.  Some days are better than others.  Tonight I realized why I get so worked up over this subject of sacrificing.  I haven’t ever had anyone really fight for me.  There was a time where I was fighting just to live and almost lost that battle.  Even at that point, no one fought for me, no one.  I have never had anyone really go to battle for/with me.  I have been forced to be quite a lone ranger with brings its own issues with it.  I am angry because I am hurt.  I am hurt because I had hoped when I got married that finally I would have someone to fight with/for me.  I guess it comes down to expectations.  This reenforces my quest I have been on the past couple weeks, how can I give to myself that which I hoped to get from someone else.  Its like I can now move on to that step because I understand where the feelings come from.

Tags: learning • quest • yoga

I am an adventerous person.  I am also a control freak and planner by nature.  I know there are moments in my life where these two areas run parallel when they should intersect.  In the quest of my developing passions, adventure abounds.  I am eager to go out foraging for herbs, I am figuring out things to make, I have become passionate about placentas, I could go on and on in this new herbalism, placenta, doula world I have entered into.  I have truly found where I fit in so many ways.  I have no problem letting go and enjoying the ride.  My personal life however, my new mantra is “let go”.  My house is a mess because no one else will clean and I want to work on my business.  I have to let go that with 4 small kids, my house will never be perfectly clean, just good enough.  When my husband has said he was going to do something and it doesn’t get done….AGAIN.  I must let go and get over it so I don’t go crazy.  When I feel like I have forgotten something else, I have to let go and be ok with the fact I have millions of things going on and trivial stuff forgotten now and again is ok.  When that mantra of “let go” creeps up, I have begun to ask myself how I can give to myself that which others aren’t.  What do I need to do to not have to worry about this or that and focus on what makes me alive and happy.  Short of having a personal assistant to remember every little thing and a robot to keep my house clean (where is Rosie when you need her?), I am still on the quest.  At this moment, reminding myself to let go has to be good enough.  I trust that if I continue putting the thoughts of giving to myself what I need instead of outside forces/people, the answers will come.  They always do.

Tags: career • mantra • passion

Today I have been reminded why I don’t like school carnivals. Just like fundraisers, can’t I just send in some money to support the school and call it good? I suppose as long as the kids had a good time? There were so many people and I kept loosing the kids, Kevin volunteered to work a booth for the first shift which ended up being half of the last one, and there just didn’t seem to be very many booths. I guess on the upside it was splendid weather!

On a much different note. We are again at a loss with Chandlur. His tantrums seems to be louder, and occur more than they have in some time. He is getting way to big to drag upstairs to his room. I know I workout and all, but still, all that dead weight! His therapist has not idea either. We are hoping that his brain is just doing another adjustment and it will calm back down soon. Maybe this will be the cycle until his brain is 100%. It seems every few weeks we have a horrid week then he is back to being the kids we know is in there. I can understand a small bit how parents with autistic children feel. We have sensory integration and ADHD. I understand when they say how amazing their kids are and they want the world to see it. Chandlur IS amazing and I feel so lucky that people DO get to see it.

Tags: ADHD • school • sensory integration

This year was really the first year my birthday was celebrated since I was a little girl. Since I was 18 my birthday has held a very personal place in my heart. It is much like an addict celebrates their sobriety date. This year has been 14 years since that day. Back when I was 17 I attempted suicide. It is truly by God’s grace that my life was spared.
After that night, the seed of greatness was planted. I knew God had spared my life so I could go on to do great things. I was really messed up and in a very dark place in life. I had no hope that I would ever mentally be better, nor that my life could ever be happy like those around me. Every year on my birthday I meditate on how far I far I have come since that scary night. It is so deeply personal that I never let anyone see. I would only say when my birthday was if someone asked. I would get upset when someone would try to make a big deal about it. As I have gained healing in my life, I have been more comfortable with people knowing.

This year was the pinnacle and in it’s own way that final inch of healing I needed. For the first time in my life, I had a surprise party. I had NO idea what my hubby and friends were planning. It was such a fun night with good food and good friends. I feel so blessed people love me that much! For the first time I didn’t get angry because someone wanted to do something special for my birthday. On the actual day, my hubby spoiled me. We bought a wedding ring to replace the one I had lost last October at Grace’s. We went shopping and I bought some jewelry and a few tops. We then went to Todai’s for some yummy sushi and saw a movie. He let me do whatever I wanted.

I know it sounds so cliche and trite, however, it WAS one of the best weekends I have ever had. For the first time on my birthday I felt special, I felt whole, I felt like all is right with the world.

Tags: birthday • celebrate • party

Tags: Chandlur • snowboard • sports

2010 is gonna be MY year like no year ever before! I am gonna be my goal size, I’m gonna finish my school and take some other amazing classes to add to my repertoire of services, my business is gonna be rockin! Tonight is the yearly goal setting

I am so not down with the illness and my body wants to eat lots of yummy food! Curses!

i guess yoga is gonna have to wait for another day…..

my desk is a mess of papers, my brain is still full of business stuff to do, however I feel the call of CSI and fudge……

is it really necessary to have 50 stickers which need to be perfectly placed on a Barbie House??

lots of fudge, no working out = food natzi next week

Dear Asthma, plaguing a 6 year old boy and scaring his mom isn’t very nice. Can you so kindly take your inflaming personality and the miserableness it brings somewhere else? In our home we only like positive people who give energy, not those who suck it away. Thanks for your consideration. Next time I may not be so nice.

family pics…..successful and we got some good ones! I have the best kids!

family pics this afternoon….fingers crossed for cooperative children!

SANTA!!! I KNOW HIM!! I hope he doesn’t mind a rice crispy treat snowman instead of cookies. We thought it would make us stand out a bit and maybe get something better.

This day is sooooo not turning out how I was hoping! So much for work getting done. bleh!

would the baby like a homemade burger blended up? (we make our own baby food round these parts and apparently this little lady likes serious flavor)

my Christmas resolution….no stress! No cards sent out and not even the feeling of guilt, no spending money on siblings and helping those kids who otherwise won’t have a Christmas, only a few traditions will be kept alive (gotta keep cooking day!!)

The baby cried all night long which has left me with a huge headache and tired eyes, HOWEVER I can’t dampen my spirits cuz Scott is coming home today and we are one day closer to Christmas.

the baby has been asleep since 9 this morning! It is now 2:15! I have to keep checking on her to make sure she is still breathing. Maybe this means she is kicking the icky cold once and for all??

it’s almost 2010….our cars don’t fly and I don’t have my robot maid. Perhaps another 15-20 years?

so happy there is finally a car seat installation certification class in our area…making life safer, one car at a time:)

my body has begun revolting….killer migraine today. it’s like satan is in there laughing at me. Are my goals too ambitious??? Seriously???

discouraged but oh so happy to take that energy to the gym for a kick butt run

oooppps…the tooth fairy forgot but she made up a great excuse that was whole heartedly embraced

sleeping in today cuz daddy had the baby last night…aaahhhh feels so good! gonna be decorating our tree today. Our first huge tree in 3 years!!!!!!!!

life always seems better after a cup of joe….strong and BLACK

vahn just peeled his first little cutie (a tiny little orange) all by himself and boy is he proud of himself….the simple things to bring mommy a smile

I think I am addicted to the gym…..the anticipation of my high is here even with little sleep last night (thanks yet again little one. I’m glad u r cute!)

can anyone teach me a new skill? I need to learn how to sleep with my eyes open.

NOVEMBER

thankful for Al Gore who invented the internet!! Overwhelming amount of resources and fantastic Christmas shopping…Thanks Al!

listening to Christmas music after a kick ass workout (James…it was one hour 15 and I did the back and dead bug:)), smelling the beautiful smells of clean children…..all is right with the world

survived my 2 hour spin class…just barely. I have never pushed myself so hard and have reached a new workout awareness (can you see the clouds parting and the angels singing? I can)…o and yeah for a free personal trainer who will help me be the hot mama of my dreams (u r the coolest!)!!!

o the tangled web we weave when we don’t live truthfully and authentically

instead of getting caught up in your Christmas list…skip a few adults on it and pick out names of kids who won’t be getting anything

went to an adoption dinner last night….this bug is biting hard but we have to wait for a house….next year….did u know in Oregon there are over 11,000 kids in the foster system and 3,500 free for adoption?

miracles happen!!!! our neighbor is being weaned off the ventilator and sat up on the edge of the bed with no drugs yesterday!! keep praying for continued healing and thanks to those who have been praying for him

any other brave, crazy souls out there to join me? I paid my $1 and signed up for a 2 (yes, not a typo) hour spin class Thanksgiving morning starting at 8….Bueller….Bueller….

i think this may be a 2 cup of coffee kinda day….busy on no sleep….again…….who’s up for Zumba tonight at Beaverton 24?

I think I should just stop trying to sleep. I wake up more tired then when I went to bed…..what’s the use?

spin class = very tired legs!

thinks she has no more time for facebook games

hubby surprised me with an extra day off. I got to go back to bed while he got the kids ready for school. then he helped clean some stuff I have been putting off…he’s the coolest!

I have it on good authority, sugar makes your hair short cuz it comes out of little holes on your head….can my fat cells get the same message?

finished making cookies with the kiddos, now I gotta get ready for a busy busy week. if I lost my daily calendar I’d be in a hole crying

thinking of unicorns and rainbows

pray for my neighbor, Josh, more….he might only have a few more days on this earth. he has taken a huge turn for the worse

“rejoice and again I say rejoice” There WILL be a happy cloud over my house!!!

all of my children have landed themselves a free trip to their bed…they didn’t get to pass go or get their $200. they have the rest of the week off from school and it’s only the first morning of the first day!! this is going to be a loooong week

1/2 hour of elliptical and an hour of a weights class…my body is ready for bed!

now that I have been slapped upside the head by God (check out my blog if u wanna know), I’m off to clean some bathrooms and underwear while enjoying a morning with only the baby

sooo….I’m really proud of this page and have to share it…it has taken some work even tho I had some help with the base of each glass http://www.organicbabydoula.com/follow-us.html

anyone feeling nostalgic about fourth of July? I have a baby here who sounds just like a Picolo Pete……and she is free

I make very smart kids….u will see them conquering the world….watch out!

tired of boys who don’t wanna be men and then they wonder why we are the way we are..ggeeeesh!

i’m hungry, tired, my to-do list is not getting done, laundry STILL needs to be folded….blah!

had a fantastic hike in Washington Park with some amazing ladies then hubby bbq’ed for din din yuummmmy! For those praying for Josh, keep it up!! He is incredibly sick, still in ICU, and it doesn’t look good. From a very healthy guy to this in about a week..

please pray for my neighbor’s grandson, Josh. he went to the hospital yesterday with pneumonia and last night was put on a ventilator. She was just told he took a turn for the worse

why is there bubble wrap around the trash can at a hole in the wall Indian restaurant?

playing the heat game….o is it fun!

comparing baby pics….Miss Adalyn doesn’t look like Vahn or Cozette…hhhmmm

OCTOBER

a successful candy getting expedition…everyone loved Lego man

holy crappers batman…my legs are still shaky…Erica and I are going to be stadium ninjas in no time!

about to kick some arse at good ol’ THS running stadiums….burn baby burn!

You become old when you stop learning

tomorrow is going to be a better day!! I AM going to do some stadium stairs! If I hack up a lung at least it will be on someone else’s property

tired after yet another long night with a baby who thinks she needs to wake up every hour or two…almost 6 months of this and I am DONE! can’t she see I need sleep to stop being sick??? At the mercy of someone so small…hhhmmm

tired of cheap appliances they keep fixing and replacing!!!!

feellin like caca today….took a few naps even! I shocked my hubby and told him I’m taking the day off:) this is going to be a long winter!!

thinks not procrastinating sure does take energy! my list has just about been accomplished every day for 2 weeks and I am starting to get up early to workout and read my Bible…now if this baby could just figure out how to sleep life would be golden!

has confirmed her shortness…a mini skirt is just above the knee

had a fun field trip at the pumpkin patch and made a new friend..how come her and I were the only parents going down the slide??!! a group of party poopers if u ask me!

i guess one out of 4 babies who doesn’t sleep is good odds….sure does make a tired mommy tho!

signed the adoption petition on the sperm donor’s bday..irony perhaps? now off to eat some squash and duck for din din….love having a man who loves to cook!

off to sign the adoption petition..finally! my feelings are so crazy right now I feel I could cry.

Cummin…what a great weight loss solution…I open the cupboard and am reminded of those summers on public transportion

istening to Vahn make up stories and talk to himself next to me….that kid has the funniest imagination….he keeps me laughing!

been having THE most productive day….feels fantastic! finally gave in and turned the heat on for the first time in many many many moons

thanks to Karli….crisis averted and DC shoes for only $19!!!

I had the most layed back cpr/first aid instructor! we even got out 2 hours early!!! if you know anyone who needs a postpartum doula or is pregnant and may need one, I am ready…….

had a great time out in good ol Newberg at a bday party for the day…..now sooo not looking forward to my infant/child cpr and first aid tom…if it wasn’t a must for my biz I would skip it:)

preparing for tomorrow…no school and we are gonna have junk food day all day starting with Lucky Charms for breakfast and ending with pizza for dinner with some cookies, candy, popcorn, and soda in the middle.

who takes care of mommy when she is puking out her brains??

praying for creative genious and the knowledge to do it

watching Modern Family on fancast while the laundry is being folded…where is Mary Poppins when I need her most?

in about 3 months all will be official!! aannnnddd it was much cheaper than we were prepared for…God is good!!

off for an early lunch all around cuz we get to meet with the lawyer…i’m doing a happy dance cuz we get too and I was blessed unexpectedly with the generosity to pay for it

what a good day I have had….now, if only the laundry will fold itself

we are meeting with an adoption lawyer on thursday!! finally this will be officially done! I can hardly contain my excitement!

feels like a manic monday…..

had to give a round of allergy medz to all three older kiddos! they must be bad cuz Vahn usually doesn’t have probs

scanning tons of pics….the internet is awesome! no more lost or damaged pics

another day in paradise and a dutch bro coffee thanks to my hot pediatrician who had fantastic taste in shoes (she is a woman)

has a smile that I can’t seem to wipe away

I wish I had Zoe’s magic wand to fix things

our new Monday tradition….going to school for lunch with the kiddos. They eat at the same time and their class tables are right next to each other

a chill day with a trip to the most awesome skate park soon

more tired when when I got up then when I went to bed last night…

recovering from a migraine hangover (they usually last a few days), but the kitchen is now clean and the baby has her 4 month checkup today….can’t wait to see how fat she is…I finally have a chubby baby!! yiippeee!

it sux mommies don’t get sick days…..i had one of the worse migraines I’ve had in awhile…thankfully I got a 2 hour nap when K came home

my friends r pretty incredible ppl who inspire me constantly

had to send my crying Cozette on the bus….I cried walking home

off to bed with a full heart and happy thoughts…such a great way to start off the second week of school!

geez I’m not worried if anything happened to me…Cozette will keep this house in fantastic working order. She is so amazing and doesn’t let being small deter her. Thank goodness for chairs!

Remembering those today who lost their lives and those who loved them…remembering those who have given up their lives for the fight and praying for those who continue to fight for our freedom

9-10 a successful first day of school for Zettie and we lost the first tooth in our house (well, I yanked it out)

Soooo proud of myself if I may say so….after only a week and a half I am already up to running a straight mile! Don’t worry, I have already patted myself on the back a few times:)

our kiddos start school tomorrow…..watching Obama’s speech incase they show a rebroadcast at school…so far only about inspiring education. I am hoping no talk about the economy or politics

Why do women have to be caddy and 2 faced?? Off to go running in the rain…it’s the best!

my kids had their first ding dong and were so excited by it…too cute!! Now off to the parents for a bday dinner with my bro who is visiting for the first time since Christmas…ooo how we have missed him!

Kevin found out he gets Tuesday off too cuz he works Saturday! We actually get a 3 day weekend. WAHOOO!

nutin’ like some Dutch luv to change the course of the day! i love my hubby!

this day has started out quite crappy…..litterally!

farmtown…folding laundry….farmtown….folding laundry…hhhmmm

Miss Adalyn 3 months—add pic

AUGUST

my first run since my back went out…hell! Finding out Cozette got into full day kindergarten…Heaven!

having blueberry pancakes, Kevin’s amazing scrambled eggs, and some nice dark coffee….talk about delic!

i love having a computer…it’s like a second t.v and we don’t need cable..Mad Men here we come

a few deep breaths in a quiet home….aaahhhh

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.”

on ebay checking on my bid for Chan’s DC shoes….he’s gonna be the coolest kat (well, not that he already isn’t). trying to recover from another night…seiously all my kids slept through the night by 2 1/2 months…she is nearing four???

the weather is how i feel…..3 days of the baby eating every 1 1/2 to 2 hours day and night makes for a cranky mama

working on business stuff…..hopefully be able to start seeking clients soon!

“we’re not gonna take it……we’re not gonna take it…..”

recovering today after a fun night with the neighbors…….a fifth really???

anyone know a guy who is good with a skateboard and wants to teach a young one? my sis is looking for someone to help Chan learn (he keeps amazing us how good he already is) and be a sorta big bro/teacher at the skate park….she is even willing to pay!

watching the hot rod tour on Rides…..holy cow these are some amazingly beautiful machines….I am so incredibly jealous…..seriously, what guy puts in a helicopter engine into a small pickup??

about to close the windows for the day, eat some lunch, then go swimming with my fab sis

“when my skateboard job gets old, and then my bike job gets old, my job will be like Michael Jackson. Look mommy, I can do the moon walk!” the dreams of a 6 year old…..

another night of no sleep…a puking child AGAIN and a baby who didn’t want to sleep…..as Kevin says “u can sleep when u r dead”

paying bills…..in the last 20 days we have only talked 135 minutes on our phones combined….yikes! we have no life haha

tired and in need of another cup off coffee….mama’s midnight job of taking care of a puking child..it sure is a 24/7 job!

needs a little more excitement in her life

does anyone know what kind of foam is in an self-inflating mattress? anyone know anyone I can ask??

after a fun night of sushi and creme brulee…..it’s a coffee day today

busy day getting kids and clothes ready for pics in a couple hours and making a cake for Kevin’s bday….busy busy day with the promise of a date night eating sushi…yyyuumm!

cleaning out and going through the kid’s clothes…holy cow!!! we sooo don’t need to go back to school shopping. Cozette is such a girl!

I love my ladies….they fill me up every monday and I can make it through all the crazy days our house has

gonna have some red meat and cancer for dinner…mmmmm does broccoli cancel it all out?

debating on if I should take the baby back to the dr….trying the nebulizer with water…..fingers crossed! She has been sick for almost 3 weeks!

feel refreshed today……a decent night sleep after 2 weeks of dealing with an unhappy baby and cooler weather sure do help!

have so much to ponder………

off to the fair to watch some huge ol cars smash the hell outta each other! rrraaahhhh!!!!!

trying to figure out YoVille in all this spare time I wish someone gave me…..is there a game that gives this as a prize??

JULY

wanna make the special blueberry muffins that could win any baking contest….it’s gonna be 93 tho….hhhmmm

pirates and barbies cohabitating…….only in lego land….thanks Kayla!

off to sit in the kiddie pool and read a book while the wimpy hubby (hey at least he just got out of work in air conditioning!) holds the baby inside by the fan

thankfully the baby won’t need the ER…now what to do for the rest of the day….this heat dashed away the idea of the park…hhhhmmm

dreaming of a full great night of sleep……..

packing up the kids for time at grandmas…..3 weekends in a row K and I have had some quiet other than the baby…i feel spoiled!!

Vahn: (kissing the baby) “she smells poopy!” Chandlur: “Welcome to mom’s world!”

planning the rest of our week….it’s gonna be a busy one with swimming, the beach, some fire works

remembering 5/20/2008…..someday

off to the skate park with my talented boy then on a happy hour date with my hubby….6 years!!!

i don’t need help to stay cool……i gots enough on my own

my son just took a dump outside and the baby won’t stop crying….o the joys of children haha

all around in a bad mood…feelin’ pissed and guilty with this damn back

does anyone have a carpet shampooer we could borrow?? I thought I knew someone with one but can’t remember who…Bueller…Bueller

can’t wait for my dr appt today! I hope some quick cracks and all will be well again.

where’s the genie for my 3 wishes??

trying to move around with a seriously messed up back….it’s been 5 days now walking like an old lady and taking heavy drugs…..can’t a girl catch a break??

aahh a quite house….the kids just left for their first camping trip with my brother and sister….hopefully they will return without too much injury and tons of funny stories

my little slaves have helped clean dishes and toilets….their payment – a piece of licorice and a popsicle……if only a professional house cleaner was so cheap……

we finally have our first loose tooth and a very excited little boy

my back just about had me on the floor again…thankfully I still have some good drugs!

been a busy day and hoping the baby will sleep better tonight than the last few!!

craving burgers and more tired today than in awhile……not again!!

a fun night with some fam and friends, and a short show at Tigard High….we skipped church…and now we are about to go out and enjoy the day with Kevin’s folks

listening to God Bless the USA and getting the chills…ooo how I love my country!

weary and overwhelmed by responsibilities

JUNE

went for my first run in many moons…….painfully wonderful!! the night is perfected with my fav movie….go Elle Woods!

a day full of chill after a busy 4 days…a nice quite house and waiting for my lunch to finish cooking…Trader Joes, I love u!!

thanking God for hope restored yet again….sorry God that I lost it in the first place!

a full night of sleep thanks to an amazing hubby and the wonderful invention called a bottle….getting ready to go swimming….do I still fit into my suit??

got to dance with my hubby today at a wedding…….we are soooo white!

the kids are watching Sandlot…love passing on the classics!

breaking news………Michael Jackson just died of a heart attack!!!!!!

got 6 straight hours of sleep last night!!! Now about to workout my upper body with all the kids taking a nap and watching Weeds….OOOO how I love naptime!!

my mini slaves helped clean and did spectacular, I got a nice long nap, a book is being held at the library I have been waiting a while for, and it’s beautiful outside….could life get better??

dizzy from my drugs and dealing with a very fussy baby…ooo they joys of reproduction….

back from a refreshing walk in the rain….thanks for the enlightenment God!

it’s hard to keep my mouth shut and not rescue my kids from a bossy neighbor….where’s the duct tape??

Chandlur has just informed me he is ready for college…hhhmmm

a house full of children for the morning including the neighbor’s 3 then we get to go see my little boy graduate kindergarten…is it necessary to have a ceremony when they will go back to the same school and have the same schedule??

go go gadget mask

having a productive monday cleaning bathrooms (why can’t boys aim???), the dreaded laundry, planning my week, made Zettie’s appt for her ear…..and it ain’t even noon:)

u realize u r grown up when….on a Friday night u walk out of the liquor store (happy u found what u wanted on sale) to your minivan, drive home and spend the night having drinks with your hubby and watching a movie..am I really this old???

i am waiting for a child to start bleeding…they have been fighting all morning…maybe i should lock them in their room to duke it out??

he baby is sleeping in her bed for the first time and I even put her down partly awake! she is such a good baby!!

King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines!! Just had to share the random fact of the day.

and yes, I had to look up if it was wheelbarrel or wheelbarrow..haha

just watched my kids try to be tough and fight each other then I got to teach them how to wheelbarrow race..I am so thankful to be a sahm!

our microwave we thought died last week came back to life….o happy day!!

paying bills today…maybe i shouldn’t have done this on the same day as my least favorite chore–laundry..blah!

feel like i am finally getting my brain back in the game. ooo mama’s feelin’ good…i guess my first glass of wine in a while didn’t hurt

after some drugs and coffee feeling better, even did a small leg workout and hoping to go walking when Kevin gets home

woke up with a migraine coming on..i was hoping to have a productive day…as Kevin said last night, whether the laundry gets folded or not, it will still be used

discovered an awesome show called Weeds…thanks Netflix!!

my day was made by my fav latte from a beautiful friend….thanks for being thoughtful!!

wishing I could figure out my son and how to help him

a looong night with the baby and a looong day with 2 very naughty children…u can find me rocking in the corner mumbling to myself

MAY

some tired kiddos going down for nap…fingers crossed they sleep well!! the parade was fun but it did make for a late night

just put my preggo clothes away and hung up my “normal” clothes. it always feels so nice!

the first day of no steroids…wahoooo!! hopefully within the next few weeks my body will return to normal and I can work on shedding this fat again

watching a segment on parenting.. why can’t we let kids be kids? let them outside to get dirty and fall off the monkey bars a few times for goodness sake! whose the parent and whose the child??

the kids are already outside playing….throwing Vahn’s breakfast of banana bread we made last night to the ducks..that kid and his love for animals….

enjoying the warm sunshine, smelling the bbq, getting ready to go to Camas for a picnic with a whole bunch of in-laws

so thankful I get to stay home with the kiddos!….passing on my love of books and the hilariousness (is that a word??) of watching Vahn trying to crab walk.

chillin outside with a whole bunch of kiddos

O and today was hubby’s first day of his “real” job…an answer to a few months of prayers……what a great day haha

Vahn and Cozette just left with grandma til wednesday…..a nice quiet day tomorrow and maybe even a nap???

after some serious complications with mama, we are home and doing better than I expected

Our Adalyn Grace Baird  –with pics

my last treatment listening to the new baby next door who keeps crying..finally hitting me I’m gonna have FOUR kids!!

Amazingly thankful for being a restored Leah and having amazing friends!

APRIL

1 week and 1 day + 1 treatment left and hopefully she will be named soon after she is born instead of just being baby girl.

to all my peeps….i haven’t been feelin social lately. been miserable and if it’s not one thing its something else. sorry for all the silence…thankfully my hubby is a nice guy:)

hoping this baby drops soon so I can breathe again..having dreams of suffocation was not fun!

thankful my stuff or lack there of doesn’t define me nor the happiness of my family

so maybe filling the swimming pool was a little premature…oh well….we just got so excited after yesterday!

amazed at how good God is!! when I’m ready to settle He blows away my expectations and gives me more than I asked for.

is dealing with a puking kiddo..fingers crossed I don’t get it cuz I basically have no immune system with all my medz

at the hospital with the first day of double dose..now 12-13 hours. i can’t wait to get home and weigh myself to see how much stuff is coursing through my veins.

the verdict is in….a c-section in 4-5 weeks (is it already time????) with double weekly IVIG therapy and i get to pop some roids. is it really only a month away???

been watching Vahn chase the ducks and almost fall into the pond….my animal lover!

thankful my hubby knows how to cook….burritos better than a restaurant for lunch!

had another dr appt today. had to have a non stress test and tomorrow I have to collect my all my pee in this huge jug then take it to the hospital and get more blood work…..if it ain’t one thing it’s another! she better be a low maintenance baby!

too much to do and def not enough time!!

MARCH

had a nice day with Elise and fam, now off to prayer group…gotta get me some religion:)

my lovely sis just stopped by and we r gonna make some yummy smoothies!!

is sitting at the hospital for another treatment wishing i didn’t have to be a responsible adult.

accomplishing a looong to do list while getting my house back in order after 20 hours of life insurance class in 2 days!

can’t believe one of my kids has a broken bone already and the first trip to the ER. on the upside I got a new pair of shoes:)

is dealing with our first major school injury, Chan dislocated his pinky on the playground

doesn’t know how much longer I can take this seriously low iron thing.

thinks this baby is going to be a super hero with how much iron she is sucking up!

has a card shark on her hands. Vahn won both rounds of Princess Crazy Eights!

can’t believe medical technology!

has no motivation to tackle the to-do list. The bathrooms won’t be too much grosser in a couple days right??

is starting a crazy busy week….fingers crossed for lots of success!!

FEBRUARY

just saw a pic of a donut…I want a whole bunch of donuts!!!

needs a nap to prepare for the busy weekend

is waiting for my free birthday blizzard..yyyuummm

at the hospital for my treatment yet again… we r now 2/3 of the way done

is taking copias amounts of iron tablets and laying down lots to keep them down

is just found out I’m anemic AGAIN even tho I’m taking 3 iron vitamins a day!

is ready for a good nice sleep and some mental energy!

is thinking Valentine’s Day is a bunch of crap. Can’t we show the love year round??

is making some dough selling our crap on craigslist

is down another round of treatment

JANUARY

is trying to get my head back in the game

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