have u ever felt like u were for real going crazy? not just as a figure of speech? after all i've been thru in life, i haven't ever really felt like i was crazy til just recently. i don't know if it's the new medz i've recently started or all the crap happening. it has been so incredibly tough! my mind feels cloudy and very forgetful. a couple times this last week i have been driving and forgotten how to get to the place i was going. they have been places i've been to many times yet for some reason i can't remember. it takes all my brain power to talk myself thru how to get there. it is the most scary and frustrating feeling. it's rather embarrasing when i'm late and have to explain that it's cuz i'm crazy. thankfully it has really only been to meet friends and they are very forgiving. i have felt like this huge weight is on my shoulders and dark poison in my body making everything i do that much more challenging. i seriously feel like i'm going crazy. the everyday stress of having 3 little ones to care for, on top of Kevin working nights–overtime–and trying to finish up his school by the end of the month, then of course all this crap i'm trying to heal from in therapy. many days i just want to stay in bed for fear of what the world will bring me for the day. i can't wait for all the crap to pass and for me to get back to my usual happy self. i feel embarrassed that people i meet for the first time have gotten an incredibly bad first impression of who i am. this is not really me. i'm sure they are thinking “geesh, whose this crazy lady? and they let her have kids?” i am WALKING thru the valley of the shadow of death. i will not stay here and dwell. i can't! my kids deserve better than this. i know soon i will be whole again and even more healthy than before with all the work i'm currently doing in and out of therapy. for the time tho it is sooo tough and i feel needy (needy people drive me nuts so it's hard when i'm like this). i have asked Kevin to keep reminding me that this is only temporary and will pass…….now that i've puked up my soul, off to do some homecaring.