another break thru in this weight loss journey. i picked up a book someone on one of the running boards had talked about, “Make the Connection”. it was a book Oprah's trainer wrote. i was just reading and had an epiphany. he talkes about the reasons many people are overweight…..and it hit me straight in my gut (i'm trying not to ball). my weight is friggin Greg. i just don't know how i could have let one person have such a hold on my life. i am beginning to see tho that he is so deeply embedded in my soul. i want to cut him out and throw him away. i was in great shape then i got pregnant with Chandlur and was soo alone and didn't have support from my family, Starbuck's Java Chip ice cream became my friend. i would go thru a few gallons every week. i was so lonely and scared of what my future would bring. i had the courage to leave him buuuttt that meant it was just me and my Chan man. i was incredibly scared! after my last therapy session realizing how much he is so deeply embedded in my everyday life even still. this weight is mostly from that damn ice cream. it represents the second most lonely and scary time in my entire life. it represents the 'manchild' (as Glenda calls him) i allowed to penetrate my steal shell i had created. what was it about him that i allowed him to get in? and why? that is the question i'm trying to seek answers for. i think when i find the answer i will be able to really process all of this and move on past such a deep darkness. i know my fat will just melt away. it gives me an even greater resolve to find my six pack again. i feel like Chandlur's adoption that i'm doing right now, and when my fat is gone, its like i get to have the last laugh.