God has yet again put me in my place.  I was reading this morning about the tower of Babel in Genesis 11.  Verse 6 talks about God putting a stop to it because if they finished it, they would think they could do anything.  At first I was confused.  God is supposed to want us to succeed, right?  This isn’t the God I know.  Then upon some reflection and nudging from God, I got it.  He was saving them from further heartache.  If they succeeded in building this, it would have been a longer road coming back to God because they would have felt they could do anything.  We need God plain and simple.  I need God.  The harder I try to do things on my own, the more difficult and frustrating it becomes.

You know those times when people say God doesn’t answer prayer.  This morning I can tell you for a fact He does.  I prayed that He would remind me when I’m being independent instead of dependent on Him.  A few heart beats later He just slapped me upside the head and said “DUH!”.  See, lately I have been feeling distant from God.  I have been reading my Bible most mornings and praying throughout the day.  All the usual things I do.  There has just been a disconnect for some reason.  I thought it was something else, as a matter of fact I was almost convinced it was.  I have started my doula business.  I so desperately want it to take off for selfish and unselfish reasons.  There has been so much to accomplish and I have felt like I am battling uphill.  It is because I have been (now the tears are coming).  Instead of being dependent on God and where He wants my business to be, I have been independent and pursuing where I want it to be.  I know for a fact I will be successful in this.  God has shown me the future.  I must pray through everything and seek His will even down to the silliest little administrative detail.  I know it will go much smoother and I will need to expend less effort.  Which means more energy and time for my family.

God, I am so sorry I have been seeking my own agenda.  I know from experience, life’s successes are empty without You.  You have placed a calling on my life and I am not doing You proud.  You know how much I desire to hear those words when I get to heaven “well done good and faithful servant”.  Please restore Your rhthym in my daily life and stir up that joy that has started to tarnish.