I am constantly amazed that God trusted you with me. I pray every day I am worthy to raise you, to teach you the lessons to accomplish your purpose in this world, to love you the way you deserve to be loved, and to let you love life. I believe God has put me on this earth to be your mommy. I feel blessed to know my purpose in life so early on and hope you get that opportunity too. I know each of you has a special purpose in this life.

Chandlur, when you were in my tummy, I knew God created you for something very special completely outside of myself and the situation you saved me from. I have no idea what it is, however, I am very excited to see as you grow up. Your natural knack for sports and love of music make me wonder if you will be a star someday.

My Zettie, I knew after I had you, you were something special. You are our miracle girl, even the doctors say that. It is a miracle that you are alive and better yet, you have no long lasting problems. Your sweet body saved the life of your brother and sister. I believe this family has been created for greatness. You are here to raise the next generation to even more greatness. You have such a maternal instinct I love to watch.

Vahn, you crack me up everyday. You remind me of exactly what your daddy would have been like when he was your age. We think you may have the gift of giving or kindness. You are always sharing what you have and being incredibly thoughtful. Are you going to bring a smile to people’s face much like your daddy? Watching how your brain works and your love of books, reminds me of Uncle Scotty’s brains which I hope you got. Oh my sweet Chicken!

My little Flamingo girl, Adalyn, I sure did go through a lot to bring you into this world. Everyday is certainly worth it. You are a child all of your own. You are so different from any of my other babies. We think you want to make your mark. When we thought we had it figured out, you throw us a curve ball we have to figure out. When you were in my tummy I had a vision of you. You were in your late teens with beautifully dark, silky, long hair. You were absolutely beautiful! You threw your head back, opened your mouth with perfect white teeth, and laughed a loud infectious laugh. This caused those around you to laugh too. We can already see you are going to be a people person.

As I always tell you, no matter how old you will be, you will always be my babies. Each of you is so different from the rest. We can see each of your strengths and weaknesses and it’s incredible they are all so different. I cannot believe how lucky I am, and I hope I am around many, many years to meet your grandchildren.

It never ceases to amaze me how the older you get, the quicker life seems to pass you by. The baby no longer looks like a newborn, she is now a baby. Yesterday was her 2 month birthdate. It seems like I just had her, at the same time it seems she has always been a part of our family. For those who doubted my decision to have another, our family would have been forever empty of her sweet presence. She just fits and that’s how I know she was meant to be ours. I just hope and seek wisdom to be worthy enough to raise her (I guess that is the prayer with all my kids). She has gotten the name flamingo. When Kevin holds her up to talk to her, she keeps one foot down and the other she puts back like a flamingo. In the last few days she has gotten quite talkative. She goes on and on like she is telling you an incredibly important story. She also is started to turn her head and make eye contact when the kids come up to talk to her. We think she will be a people person because when she is awake, she wants to know someone is close by or she lets out this little sound that is so feminine and too cute (this really high pitch “oow oow oow”). Her favorite thing to look at, my huge bookshelf. She stares and stares at it. Perhaps a smarty pants and book lover?? Miss Addie is even a great sleeper. She goes about 7 hours at night until she needs to eat, eats then goes about another 4-5 hours. I feel so blessed and honored that God has entrusted me with this beautiful person.

I had my first appointment yesterday. The nanny’s son was sick so we took the whole gang. It always starts with her feeling me up. Thankfully no pap since I had one last May. She was feeling the baby and making sure the date of my last period was right. I was relieved to know I’m not crazy for not fitting in my clothes already at about 13 weeks. She thought I felt bigger than I should for being this far along. Of course Kevin had to joke about twins again. Since I have been so sick and am already to big for my clothes, we have been joking about twins. While she was getting the ultrasound machine set up, she was thinking twins too. She only saw one baby (whew) and it was measuring about right. Although, Kevin is convinced there is a twin hiding behind the baby. We will get a better view next week. She said maybe I am just carrying really high. I have a full on ultrasound next Friday to check the size/gestation of the baby. The baby has a nice robust heartbeat (another whew). I am kinda glad the kids were there. I didn’t think they would be as excited as they were. The kids thought it was super cool to see the baby on the machine. Chandlur even wanted a picture to take to school today. My doctor printed an extra one for him to take (and that’s why I love her so much!). We were asking them on the way home what they thought the baby was and they all said a sister. I think it’s a girl too. Last week Kevin said he thought it was a girl too. We will find out the end of December if we have another sister or brother (just as long as she isn’t as tough as Cozette’s first year!).

Chandlur came home today and said “I showed my teacher the picture of your beautiful baby, mommy.” Aaawww enough to melt your heart:)

It’s funny how life is so cyclical.  For awhile, I get bored, then I am busy busy.  We are going into the busy season again.  It is beginning to hit me, the commitment in life I have made.

I am determined to have my own identity.  I am beginning my journey of a birth doula, a postpartum doula, and a breastfeeding counselor.  My writing career is beginning to go somewhere.  I am a contributing editor for Posh Mama and have my first review up at Hip Mama’s Place.  This along with my blogs and marketing myself on this big ‘ol wide web.  I also have a passion for teens because of the crap I went through.  I am about to become very involved in this way.  I also am going to be working part time for Kevin as his sexcratary (how cool I get to sleep with the boss!) which means right now we are looking for childcare.

It is beginning to hit me the commitment Kevin has made to be a successful insurance agent.  We have huge dreams and goals.  He is the man of the house and feels he needs to provide for those.  It is amazing to see how he has gone from barely getting by and watching many of his fellow agents leave and find “real” jobs to receiving a nice bonus because of his hard work.  The past almost month he has worked 10-12 hours a day.  It has been tough for me managing everything without much of his help.  It is an internal struggle because I know this is what he must do to get where he wants to be.  At the same time, I’m puking out my brains and making corn dogs or pancakes for dinner (so happy they like salad and raw veggies!).

It seems the kids require more time and energy the older they are getting.  I work with Cozette and Chandlur almost every evening learning to write their name, letters/sounds, and math/counting.  My goal for Cozette is to have her reading by the time she hits kindergarten next year (she is just about to start sounding out words).  Unfortunately we are pretty sure Chandlur has some kind of learning disability which makes Cozette a little bit ahead of him.  He is amazing me with letter recognition and sounds, however, he seems to struggle putting it all together.  He still cannot write his name (the letters are jumbled and many times backwards) which is frustrating for me trying to teach him.  He says he is trying his best.  Yesterday he said his teacher told him he wasn’t the best writer and he told her he was trying his best.  I am starting to see the beginnings of shame and negative self talk.  We have conferences in a few days so hopefully we can have him tested through the school.  The place we want to take him won’t test until they are 7.  I don’t think I can wait another year and half.  It just breaks my heart!  Then we are looking for childcare for Cozette and Vahn so I can work for Kevin in the mornings.  I am also going to start taking them to story time at the library once a week.  Both of them are book lovers just like mama.  It is soo cute listening to them try to read books.  We are also finalizing our insurance stuff which has been a task in and of itself.  It also reminds me of the time and effort my pregnancy is going to take because of NAIT.

I am starting to get that feeling that there is stuff to do and things keep getting pushed to the next day because I don’t have the energy to finish all that is on my list for the day.  I am beginning to see how busy our lives are going to become as my business grows and our kids start participating more in sports and school activities.  I have times where I ask myself “What did I get myself into?”.  At the same time, I have never been one people call lazy.  It is impossible for me to sit still (don’t they say fidgety people are less fat than their counterparts?  I can only imagine how much more fat I would be!) which drives my hubby nuts.  People think I am crazy for all I take on, I call myself driven.

We teach patriotism in our house.  To Kevin and I it is very important.  Our kids have a book which they read teaching them about the presidents.  They even know quite a few by picture.  They love flags.  We talk about history in little kids terms when it comes up in conversation.  Last night when the debates were on, I told the kids it was about the next president, it was very important, and they needed to be quiet or go to the playroom so I could hear it.  Chandlur was playing around and would listen off and on.

About 3/4 of the way through, he turns to me, “Mommy, I like his voice”.

“You like the way his voice sounds?”

“Yeah Mommy, I like his voice better than the other one.”

If it were up to this 5 year old, he would be voting for McCain.  Does he care about foreign policy?  Nope.  Does he care about health care?  Nope.  He cares about the important stuff, how his voice comes across.

It never ceases to amaze me how much my kids love each other.  My favorite sound is hearing them make each other laugh.  They are incredibly close and don’t cross them.  It’s funny when one gets in trouble because the others will tell us to leave them alone.  To all you who will know them in school, my advice, don’t mess with any of my kids.  I have one who will get you underhanded and when you least expect it, Cozette.  I have one who will fight you in a heart beat if it means standing up for his family, Chandlur.  I have one who will make a big joke of it and embarrass you, we call him Vahn.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you, future classmates.

After snack time, the kids  starting playing together.  Cozette looks at Chandlur “We missed you today,” then turning to Vahn “right?”.  Now they are making each other histarical over this box Kevin turned into a train.  I know i have some pretty amazing kiddos:)

As some of you know, i have been implementing techniques from Love and Logic.  One of them is the energy drain.  What does the child have to do to give you some energy?  Either sell a toy or do one of your chores.  This weekend it was put into great practice and quite hilarious.  All three of the kids had to choose something.  Cozette choose to clean the dining room floor (no surprise since she loves to anyways).  Vahn chose to clean the kitchen floor.  Hasn’t he learned, you just don’t mess with mama?  He flat out refused so guess what, he immediately went to bed which was about an hour early.  He cried and cried and cried.  But alas, he again had to do another chore (clean a toilet of his choice) the next day and not even a sign of refusal.  HA, mommy wins!!  Chandlur chose to vacuum the living room.  i have never seen a kid have more fun with a chore before!  He experienced the power of suction on everything from his shirt, to his hair, to a blanket.  i was laughing pretty hard watching him get such a kick out of the vacuum hose.  He even went waay above and beyond the call of duty, it was incredible how thorough he was.  He even took it to the toy room and vacuumed that!  i have always thought if they aren’t crying, the punishment isn’t working.  This book, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood, talks about how it can be fun and still teach lessons.  When Vahn had to do his second chore, at first Chan Man thought he did too and was crying even though vacuuming was so much fun.  Whenever they hear the words “How sad, mommy is loosing energy”, they immediately stop what they are doing and ask if they still have to do a chore.  Speaking of which, nap time today wasn’t very successful and the younger two owe me some time.  It’s fantastic!  i get my house pretty clean (i am amazed at how well they CAN clean) with this technique.  i am beginning to use it more and more:)  If you are a parent, i cannot recommend these books enough!