When my house can’t be clean enough, I know I am out of control.  It seems the more out of control my world is, the cleaner my house is.  I know many would be envious, but seriously with 3 small children?  It takes lots of energy.  I am beginning to feel that right now.  That is my indicator that I need to chill and take some deep breathes.

I feel like there is just so much chaos right now, I can’t deal with it all.  It seems we are going a mile a minute and I am exhausted.  I know quite a bit has to do with my pregnancy and all that goes into it.  Then there is Kevin’s career change.  Unfortunately he didn’t make any money last month cuz of it all so we are left being financially creative (my brain is tired and hurts!).  Then there is just the usual with having a kid in school, and keeping the younger two entertained.

Saturday it all caught up to me and I just couldn’t pull myself together all morning until I called a girlfriend to chat.  I thought either I would murder my husband or have a nice welt on my forehead where I repeatedly kept banging it.  Perhaps, even Kevin might have come home and found me rocking in a small corning while the kids kept hitting repeat on the movie.  So, last week….I had my IVIG on Wednesday as usual, then I found myself back up near the hospital for my routine doctor’s appointment which I had to drive to by borrowing my MIL’s car while she watched the kids because Kevin had some training.  On my way home (yes, just about all the way home), my phone rings.  I have to turn around, go back to the hospital because they are waiting for me in radiology.  I had to call my MIL and make sure she had the extra time.  I go back to the hospital and get my PICC line.  I was so nervous, I was close to tears and my hubby was unreachable.  I got laid on an operating table while they worked away on my arm.  I am now the proud owner of a PICC line in my left arm.  After it was put in, I had to wait while the nurse figured out where I was to go the next day for my dressing to be changed.  It would be on Saturday and the usual places wouldn’t be open.  That was a process!  Thankfully the nurse was amazing and wouldn’t take the answers she was getting.  After a while of waiting and the nurse stalking the doctor’s office to fax orders, I was sent down to Infusion to make the appointment.  Saturday, Kevin’s usual training was extended (of all days, right?)  He was going to leave early then decided to see if his folks could bring Chandlur back early and I again could use their car to go back to the hospital.  I got to Infusion and had a looooong wait.  I guess there were only 2 nurses and they had quite a few people who needed assistance all at once.  When I got home (an hour later than I thought I would), we had a little party for Chandlur (I can’t believe I almost have a 6 year old!).  I snuck out and went to have a Jamba Juice with my girlfriend then ditched my fam and went to her house for some yummy dinner.  Then of course Sunday was Super Bowl so we went to church, had naptime, then went to some friends house.  Yesterday I was EXHAUSTED!!  I could hardly muster the energy to do the laundry.  Then today, we made a trip back out toward the hospital for an ultrasound and an appointment with the perinatalologist.  Tomorrow, we get to go back for my first IVIG with my new PICC line and a much needed rest.

Kevin just came home after an interview at a call center.  Now, a new kink to figure out.  He got the job.  He is going to have to work a J.O.B. for the next few months until his new business is up and running.  Can I go cry in the corner now?  Maybe I should give in to my craving tonight and get a Jamba Juice.

I had my first appointment yesterday. The nanny’s son was sick so we took the whole gang. It always starts with her feeling me up. Thankfully no pap since I had one last May. She was feeling the baby and making sure the date of my last period was right. I was relieved to know I’m not crazy for not fitting in my clothes already at about 13 weeks. She thought I felt bigger than I should for being this far along. Of course Kevin had to joke about twins again. Since I have been so sick and am already to big for my clothes, we have been joking about twins. While she was getting the ultrasound machine set up, she was thinking twins too. She only saw one baby (whew) and it was measuring about right. Although, Kevin is convinced there is a twin hiding behind the baby. We will get a better view next week. She said maybe I am just carrying really high. I have a full on ultrasound next Friday to check the size/gestation of the baby. The baby has a nice robust heartbeat (another whew). I am kinda glad the kids were there. I didn’t think they would be as excited as they were. The kids thought it was super cool to see the baby on the machine. Chandlur even wanted a picture to take to school today. My doctor printed an extra one for him to take (and that’s why I love her so much!). We were asking them on the way home what they thought the baby was and they all said a sister. I think it’s a girl too. Last week Kevin said he thought it was a girl too. We will find out the end of December if we have another sister or brother (just as long as she isn’t as tough as Cozette’s first year!).

Chandlur came home today and said “I showed my teacher the picture of your beautiful baby, mommy.” Aaawww enough to melt your heart:)