I am another statistic of sexual abuse.  I have over time become OK with that.  There was a time when hardly any of my friends knew, I was ashamed.  It was in my family and I felt if I said anything, I would shame my family.  When I was pregnant with Chandlur and my parents pretty much shunned me, I realized, it didn’t matter.  See, I was molested by my older brother who is about 3 years older than I.  I just feel sorry for him because I can see he lives in his own prison, a tortured soul I call him.  I really blame my folks.  They put all their time and attention into making sure he was taken care of and his life was as normal as possible.  I wasn’t the only victim, and thankfully one of them was braver than I.  She told her parents.  When it all came out, the already shaking bottom, fell.  I went into a free fall for about 10 years after that.  It was a horrible time for me.  I had no support and no one to talk to.  It was like my parents forgot I was there unless they needed me to watch my younger siblings so they could help him.  Without going into tons of loooong details, I became lonely, depressed, tried to kill myself, and generally hated life.  Even when my folks were told about all of this, they did nothing.  I somehow picked myself up and made a good life for myself.  It wasn’t until after I had Vahn 3 1/2 years ago that I sought help.  I was suffering from really bad postpartum depression and my doctor told my hubby, if I didn’t make the call that day, he was to drive me to the therapist’s office.  It all was a blessing in disguise.  Sometimes, it is a struggle because I do see my family a couple times a month.  However, I now feel whole.

For this reason, abuse is near and dear to my heart.  I recently came across this site, Teddy Tour.  I even wrote a message from my teddy to the world (I told my hubby and he even left me an awesome message.  Gosh, I’m lucky!).  If you are a survivor (please, don’t call yourself a victim), please, create your own teddy!  The more your story is told, the less of a hold it has on you.  Go tell your message!

It never ceases to amaze me how much my kids love each other.  My favorite sound is hearing them make each other laugh.  They are incredibly close and don’t cross them.  It’s funny when one gets in trouble because the others will tell us to leave them alone.  To all you who will know them in school, my advice, don’t mess with any of my kids.  I have one who will get you underhanded and when you least expect it, Cozette.  I have one who will fight you in a heart beat if it means standing up for his family, Chandlur.  I have one who will make a big joke of it and embarrass you, we call him Vahn.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you, future classmates.

After snack time, the kids  starting playing together.  Cozette looks at Chandlur “We missed you today,” then turning to Vahn “right?”.  Now they are making each other histarical over this box Kevin turned into a train.  I know i have some pretty amazing kiddos:)

i get a call from my sister (age 18) today telling me she has become a “dancer”.  i found out a month ago my little brother (age 19) has become a pot dealer.  All the while, my other younger brother (age22) is graduating on Friday to become a nuclear engineer for the Navy.  What happened??  We grew up in a middle class, suburban, church going family.