As I am sitting here, I have tears streaming down my face in joy and thankfulness.  I have just finished my coursework on PPD and PTSD.  Because of my personal experience with these after we had Vahn, it was draining.  I was diagnosed with severe PPD and PTSD from some childhood trauma that was never healed.  Thankfully I had an amazing therapist and support at home.  My heart is healed, however, reviewing the information in a clinical sense brings up those disparing emotions.  I almost feel like I need a nap.  I went to the next section in attempts to put it behind me and move on.  I am struggling!  All of a sudden I hear my son start singing to the baby “I love my Lord Jesus a deep down in my heart, a deep down in my heart” over and over.  I turn around and see the baby smiling at him.  I can move on in perfect peace.

Oh, my children, how do I sum up the matter of faith?  I know I can go through anything or any place because God is next to me.  Sometimes, He is holding my hand skipping next to me.  Sometimes, He is walking in front of me leading the way, breaking the wind.  Sometimes, He is on the sidelines yelling encouragement to keep going forward in His plan.  Sometimes, He is walking behind me giving me a little push.  I know I can sound like an old fart, however, I must say it.  Your relationship with God is the single most important thing to put effort into.  When you are on God’s path, life just seems so clear.  When God isn’t the focus and I don’t pay attention to His direction, there just seems to be no peace.  As it says in Isaiah 55:9, God’s ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts higher than our thoughts.  He knows, really He does, I promise.  I have been on both sides of the coin.  I promise you, it IS better with Him. 

There was one point in my life where I wanted nothing to do with God.  If He created this mess, then He wasn’t for me.  Unfortunately it wasn’t Him who created it and I was allowing my view of mankind to be my view of God.  As I have matured in my life, I have realized what a big part God really does play for me.  He is the backbone of which I can function on those days I want to crawl back in bed.  He is my redeemer, restorer, and my rewarder.

God wants to use for amazing things, however, if we aren’t ready, He will use someone else who is.  You can kiss that blessing good-bye.  I could tell you of all the lessons I have learned in life, however, that would be pointless.  Your journey is different than mine.  As long as you are spending time reading/applying the Word, seeking God in prayer, and quieting your heart to hear Him, He will guide you.