It’s funny how life is so cyclical.  For awhile, I get bored, then I am busy busy.  We are going into the busy season again.  It is beginning to hit me, the commitment in life I have made.

I am determined to have my own identity.  I am beginning my journey of a birth doula, a postpartum doula, and a breastfeeding counselor.  My writing career is beginning to go somewhere.  I am a contributing editor for Posh Mama and have my first review up at Hip Mama’s Place.  This along with my blogs and marketing myself on this big ‘ol wide web.  I also have a passion for teens because of the crap I went through.  I am about to become very involved in this way.  I also am going to be working part time for Kevin as his sexcratary (how cool I get to sleep with the boss!) which means right now we are looking for childcare.

It is beginning to hit me the commitment Kevin has made to be a successful insurance agent.  We have huge dreams and goals.  He is the man of the house and feels he needs to provide for those.  It is amazing to see how he has gone from barely getting by and watching many of his fellow agents leave and find “real” jobs to receiving a nice bonus because of his hard work.  The past almost month he has worked 10-12 hours a day.  It has been tough for me managing everything without much of his help.  It is an internal struggle because I know this is what he must do to get where he wants to be.  At the same time, I’m puking out my brains and making corn dogs or pancakes for dinner (so happy they like salad and raw veggies!).

It seems the kids require more time and energy the older they are getting.  I work with Cozette and Chandlur almost every evening learning to write their name, letters/sounds, and math/counting.  My goal for Cozette is to have her reading by the time she hits kindergarten next year (she is just about to start sounding out words).  Unfortunately we are pretty sure Chandlur has some kind of learning disability which makes Cozette a little bit ahead of him.  He is amazing me with letter recognition and sounds, however, he seems to struggle putting it all together.  He still cannot write his name (the letters are jumbled and many times backwards) which is frustrating for me trying to teach him.  He says he is trying his best.  Yesterday he said his teacher told him he wasn’t the best writer and he told her he was trying his best.  I am starting to see the beginnings of shame and negative self talk.  We have conferences in a few days so hopefully we can have him tested through the school.  The place we want to take him won’t test until they are 7.  I don’t think I can wait another year and half.  It just breaks my heart!  Then we are looking for childcare for Cozette and Vahn so I can work for Kevin in the mornings.  I am also going to start taking them to story time at the library once a week.  Both of them are book lovers just like mama.  It is soo cute listening to them try to read books.  We are also finalizing our insurance stuff which has been a task in and of itself.  It also reminds me of the time and effort my pregnancy is going to take because of NAIT.

I am starting to get that feeling that there is stuff to do and things keep getting pushed to the next day because I don’t have the energy to finish all that is on my list for the day.  I am beginning to see how busy our lives are going to become as my business grows and our kids start participating more in sports and school activities.  I have times where I ask myself “What did I get myself into?”.  At the same time, I have never been one people call lazy.  It is impossible for me to sit still (don’t they say fidgety people are less fat than their counterparts?  I can only imagine how much more fat I would be!) which drives my hubby nuts.  People think I am crazy for all I take on, I call myself driven.