I know I said I would be better at writing.  After I said that, I had another complication to this crazy pregnancy, anemia.  I had my glucose test and later that day the nurse called.  When you get a call back after that, you know it can’t be good.  Good news I passed the test, bad news I’m pretty anemic.  Now for me who has had problems my whole life, it was no surprise.  How bad and how my body responded was.  I have never been so bad off before.  I started taking over twice what is usually recommended.  There was no change in how I felt.  I have been so lethargic and can’t make it through the day without a nap.  My house wasn’t as clean as I like, my poor kids wanted my attention, and all I could do was sit on the couch hoping I didn’t have to use my brain.  Two weeks later I had my blood tested again out of curiosity.  The doctor wasn’t happy!  My iron level had actually dropped!!!  We talked about ways to modify my supplement to possibly have it better assimilated into my poor body.  She said if it didn’t come up then I would have to have an iron infusion.  A couple weeks before I had talked to the nurse at the hospital about it, and the side effects aren’t much fun at all!  I knew it must have been serious because my actual doctor called me back a few hours later to touch base.  Normally, it’s her nurse I talk to.  She said they were going to look at my blood and see how well my bone marrow is creating new cells to compensate for the ones dying.   I have my next appointment next week (we have begun the every two week visits) so we shall see what she decides to do.  She consulted my perinatologist before she had called.  He confirmed that if I did have to have an iron infusion, it would have to be on a different day as my IVIG AND they can’t use my PICC line which means they only have one arm to try and get an IV in.

This baby girl and all her needs.  Hopefully she won’t be high maintenance once she gets here:)

I have been feeling like such a looser lately.  My usual positive self has been taken over by a whiny, lazy woman.  I think my problem revolves around being tired.  I haven’t been sleeping well the last couple weeks and think this is at the heart of it all.  I am just so tired, sometimes it takes me awhile to find motivation to do something.  If it weren’t for discipline, my family would be eating off of dirty plates and wearing dirty clothes.  I feel bad for my poor hubby because my sense of humor has dissapated, and I haven’t been the most sweet wife.  I haven’t been mean, just not the lovey dovey that Kevin likes.  These damn hormones and lack of sleep have me in a funk.  I keep reminding myself and him it’s only a phase.  I keep promising usual self will return.  Aside from my hospital visits and myriad of doctor appoinments, this has just been a rough pregnancy on me.  I am just about 2/3 of the way there.  I have been told it would be a good idea to start taking some drugs before I have the baby so I don’t have such bad postpartum depression as I did last time.  Maybe some St John’s Wort will help?

When my house can’t be clean enough, I know I am out of control.  It seems the more out of control my world is, the cleaner my house is.  I know many would be envious, but seriously with 3 small children?  It takes lots of energy.  I am beginning to feel that right now.  That is my indicator that I need to chill and take some deep breathes.

I feel like there is just so much chaos right now, I can’t deal with it all.  It seems we are going a mile a minute and I am exhausted.  I know quite a bit has to do with my pregnancy and all that goes into it.  Then there is Kevin’s career change.  Unfortunately he didn’t make any money last month cuz of it all so we are left being financially creative (my brain is tired and hurts!).  Then there is just the usual with having a kid in school, and keeping the younger two entertained.

Saturday it all caught up to me and I just couldn’t pull myself together all morning until I called a girlfriend to chat.  I thought either I would murder my husband or have a nice welt on my forehead where I repeatedly kept banging it.  Perhaps, even Kevin might have come home and found me rocking in a small corning while the kids kept hitting repeat on the movie.  So, last week….I had my IVIG on Wednesday as usual, then I found myself back up near the hospital for my routine doctor’s appointment which I had to drive to by borrowing my MIL’s car while she watched the kids because Kevin had some training.  On my way home (yes, just about all the way home), my phone rings.  I have to turn around, go back to the hospital because they are waiting for me in radiology.  I had to call my MIL and make sure she had the extra time.  I go back to the hospital and get my PICC line.  I was so nervous, I was close to tears and my hubby was unreachable.  I got laid on an operating table while they worked away on my arm.  I am now the proud owner of a PICC line in my left arm.  After it was put in, I had to wait while the nurse figured out where I was to go the next day for my dressing to be changed.  It would be on Saturday and the usual places wouldn’t be open.  That was a process!  Thankfully the nurse was amazing and wouldn’t take the answers she was getting.  After a while of waiting and the nurse stalking the doctor’s office to fax orders, I was sent down to Infusion to make the appointment.  Saturday, Kevin’s usual training was extended (of all days, right?)  He was going to leave early then decided to see if his folks could bring Chandlur back early and I again could use their car to go back to the hospital.  I got to Infusion and had a looooong wait.  I guess there were only 2 nurses and they had quite a few people who needed assistance all at once.  When I got home (an hour later than I thought I would), we had a little party for Chandlur (I can’t believe I almost have a 6 year old!).  I snuck out and went to have a Jamba Juice with my girlfriend then ditched my fam and went to her house for some yummy dinner.  Then of course Sunday was Super Bowl so we went to church, had naptime, then went to some friends house.  Yesterday I was EXHAUSTED!!  I could hardly muster the energy to do the laundry.  Then today, we made a trip back out toward the hospital for an ultrasound and an appointment with the perinatalologist.  Tomorrow, we get to go back for my first IVIG with my new PICC line and a much needed rest.

Kevin just came home after an interview at a call center.  Now, a new kink to figure out.  He got the job.  He is going to have to work a J.O.B. for the next few months until his new business is up and running.  Can I go cry in the corner now?  Maybe I should give in to my craving tonight and get a Jamba Juice.

I know I haven’t written in awhile.  This little one in my belly is causing a  severe case of lethargy and a mild case of nausea.  The dishes don’t get done every day as they usually do, the laundry has been known to sit on the couch an extra day before being folded, and the kids have been loving chicken nuggets.  Thank goodness they like veggies and salad!

Life has been humming along.  As of last week I have begun my many doctor visits.  I had my normal ob visit and my first with the perinatalogist.  We talked about what the protocol will be for my treatment.  He said somethings have changed in the last 3 1/2 years.  I will probably only have to have one cordosyntesis at 32 weeks instead of one also around 20-24 weeks.  That brought a smile to my face because that procedure freaks me out.  I knew NAIT was rare, however I don’t think it really sank in.  He told me he has treated 6 women with this in the last 20 years, and 3 of those were while he was at university!  He is supposed to be a specialist too!  It hit me how rare this really is.  I was reading some material from a yahoo group I am a part of.  Not until the mid/late 80’s was there much successful work done on this condition.  Reading the reports was very sobering.  I didn’t realize how new this treatment and recognition of NAIT is.  Just one generation back and I would only have one child with my other kids dying soon after birth.  I couldn’t imagine my life without a house full of kids.

On a lighter note, I will be having “the” ultrasound on January 7th along with the usual appointment.  I have to go back on the 8th for my visit with the perinatologist.  We are going to nail down the exact protocol.  We are pretty sure what it will be but he wants to check the medical journals so he has the most updated info.  Also I started feeling a little bean movement at the end of week 16 (about a week and half ago)!

I had my first appointment yesterday. The nanny’s son was sick so we took the whole gang. It always starts with her feeling me up. Thankfully no pap since I had one last May. She was feeling the baby and making sure the date of my last period was right. I was relieved to know I’m not crazy for not fitting in my clothes already at about 13 weeks. She thought I felt bigger than I should for being this far along. Of course Kevin had to joke about twins again. Since I have been so sick and am already to big for my clothes, we have been joking about twins. While she was getting the ultrasound machine set up, she was thinking twins too. She only saw one baby (whew) and it was measuring about right. Although, Kevin is convinced there is a twin hiding behind the baby. We will get a better view next week. She said maybe I am just carrying really high. I have a full on ultrasound next Friday to check the size/gestation of the baby. The baby has a nice robust heartbeat (another whew). I am kinda glad the kids were there. I didn’t think they would be as excited as they were. The kids thought it was super cool to see the baby on the machine. Chandlur even wanted a picture to take to school today. My doctor printed an extra one for him to take (and that’s why I love her so much!). We were asking them on the way home what they thought the baby was and they all said a sister. I think it’s a girl too. Last week Kevin said he thought it was a girl too. We will find out the end of December if we have another sister or brother (just as long as she isn’t as tough as Cozette’s first year!).

Chandlur came home today and said “I showed my teacher the picture of your beautiful baby, mommy.” Aaawww enough to melt your heart:)