I have grown to love yoga.  What amazes me even more is that almost always I am sore the next day.  My favorite yoga teacher reads a passage from The Book of Awakening just about every session.  Sometimes it speaks to me, sometimes it is just a nice reading.  Today it spoke.  Tonight is was about really feeling.  We spend so much time covering ourselves up.  There was a line that said something to the effect under every anger is a hurt.  I almost cried.  A light bulb went off.  I keep getting angry at Kevin because I sacrificed so much for the last 6 years so he could try to start different businesses.  Now it should be my turn.  Unfortunately I haven’t gotten that same sacrifice.  He struggles to do the small things I ask.  A stay at home mom is the equivalent to 2 full time jobs in and of itself!  I have made my health a priority and have been working out at least an hour 5-6 days a week.  To top it all off, I have finally gotten the courage to start my business, Organic Baby Birth Services.  I have been putting A LOT of time and energy in schooling/learning and all the stuff that comes with starting a new business.  I have been working my ass off!  While I am proud of where I am physically and with my business, mentally I struggle.  Anger seeps in, some days exhaustion threatens to take over.  I sacrificed so much for Kevin, why can’t he sacrifice for me? He has started talking about going to school to finish getting his degree.  I keep asking him, when is it going to be MY turn?  Why am I the one who has to remember everything with the kids?  Why am I the one who has to constantly clean the house (have you ever tried to keep up with an adventurous, inquisitive 1 year old?)?  I keep asking for what I need and for whatever reason, it doesn’t happen.  I could go on.  I struggle very much with keeping bitterness at bay, enjoying the moment, trying to let go.  Some days are better than others.  Tonight I realized why I get so worked up over this subject of sacrificing.  I haven’t ever had anyone really fight for me.  There was a time where I was fighting just to live and almost lost that battle.  Even at that point, no one fought for me, no one.  I have never had anyone really go to battle for/with me.  I have been forced to be quite a lone ranger with brings its own issues with it.  I am angry because I am hurt.  I am hurt because I had hoped when I got married that finally I would have someone to fight with/for me.  I guess it comes down to expectations.  This reenforces my quest I have been on the past couple weeks, how can I give to myself that which I hoped to get from someone else.  Its like I can now move on to that step because I understand where the feelings come from.