This has been one of those crazy weeks that leave you doubting your sanity and ability to juggle all the balls at the same time. I had some extra kids, trying new parenting techniques fromLove and Logic, and just the usual busy we have going on with 3 young ones (the oldest is getting ready for kindergarten!), a business, and a household (which reminds me, i really need to get my kitchen floor clean! tomorrow??). There have not been many moments to sit and breath. Running with no headphones provides me those small moments of peace i am desperate for. i went for my run yesterday morning as usual. As i was chugging along (the joy of choosing a hilly route!) All of a sudden i saw an older woman i would guess mid fifties running toward me. She had short, just below the ears curly blond/gray hair. She had on black spandex shorts with a turquoise tank and listening to some headphones (and in great shape i might add). i can see her so clearly! She looked at me with a big grin and enthusiastically said “You go girl!!” This was no usual passing. Usually i can see someone coming because i keep my eyes up looking at the landmarks. i like to play mind games with myself so i don’t stop when it gets hard. Usually i get a wave, a smile, or many times a quick hi. After this woman passed my whole back began to tingle. It started at the base of my spine and went all the way to the top of my head (all through my chakras if you believe in them). In all of my experiences with the spiritual world, i have never before had this intense of a physical response. i think i was just encouraged by an angel!

i start each pregnancy already with a fear of NAIT (our Cozette is a miracle). Now all other pregnancies are going to be clouded by the fear of a miscarriage as well. Now talking to other women about miscarrying, i keep hearing “I never thought it would effect me in this way”. i share the same sentiment. i thought i could just move past it without much thought. It’s amazing the attachment a mother has to her baby even when it is simply a mass of cells. i feel very fortunante to have an amazing man by my side who was my rock and carried me through. i had a D & C (my doctor calls it a dusting and cleaning) and a few days later found myself in the ER. Through the whole time, i cried to God that one word question “Why??”. Wasn’t me having to deal with NAIT enough??
This is what i was taught. After all isn’t life a series of lessons to make ourselves better people thus helping others to be better people too?
1. At one point i had a good 10 women surrounding me praying for me. They were there because they loved me, not because of what i contribute or do, BUT because of who i am! That was huge for me!
2. i am about to venture into the career of a Doula and now have a new calling/mission to accompany that career. Not to mention the burn to begin school is much hotter than before.
3. i have a new respect and love for my hubby.
Peace came when i saw this picture. Kevin’s grandma died 2 years ago and she was on amazing woman! The kind you want to be like when you grow up. i saw this little toe head toddler about 2 or 3 from behind. He was running out of a bright white light. Grandma Bev reached out her hands to pick him up. He ran into her arms, she kissed his head, and spun him around. They were both giggling. This is what i wrote on my Myspace page: May 20th 2008 My baby’s birth was written in the Book of Life but right before that, God whispered and said, “I have greater plans for your mommy, and your great grandma has been asking about you. You are so special that I still need you near Me little one.” After that, i felt he needed a name, i have named him Lincoln. When i get to Heaven i will be able to giggle and swing Lincoln around too.