As I am sitting here, I have tears streaming down my face in joy and thankfulness.  I have just finished my coursework on PPD and PTSD.  Because of my personal experience with these after we had Vahn, it was draining.  I was diagnosed with severe PPD and PTSD from some childhood trauma that was never healed.  Thankfully I had an amazing therapist and support at home.  My heart is healed, however, reviewing the information in a clinical sense brings up those disparing emotions.  I almost feel like I need a nap.  I went to the next section in attempts to put it behind me and move on.  I am struggling!  All of a sudden I hear my son start singing to the baby “I love my Lord Jesus a deep down in my heart, a deep down in my heart” over and over.  I turn around and see the baby smiling at him.  I can move on in perfect peace.

Sometimes Vahn can be so much like his father it’s scary.  Sometimes he completely amazes me and leaps out that box.

We were driving home after cleaning the church.  It was just the boys because Cozette was at Grandma’s for the weekend.  The boys helped a lot and were really good.  Kevin asked them what kind of a treat they wanted.  Chandlur sitting in the very back “hhhmmm”.  Vahn immediately pipes up, very excitedly I might add, “SALAD!!”.  Kevin and I exchanged glances.  Trying not to laugh I said, “Vahn you want salad for a treat?”.  Enthusiastically, “YEAH!”  I thought we were going to get in an accident because Kevin was laughing so hard.  That kid always has us laughing whether he means to or not.  When we got home sure enough, he still wanted salad so we made him one and he happily ate it.  How can you deny a kid when they want to eat their veggies?

Vahn has been too incredibly cute.  Randomly he will come up to me and say “mommy, I wuv your baby”.  He even on occasion, will hug my belly and say he is giving my baby a hug.  I like to hear his sweetness so I provoke him sometimes.  I will say “Vahny, I love you and your baby”, or quietly say “I love your baby”.  He smiles his dimply smile with his head cocked sideways and his eyes have closed, and says “Nooo mommy.  I don’t hafe a baby.”  Then of course he says he loves my baby.  Sometimes he even will tell me “Nooo mommy.  Boys don’t hafe babies.  Only gills have babies.”  and he chuckles.

What has happened to my happy comedian.  It’s like he hit puberty in girl mode.  When he gets mad, he clenches his fists, bangs them against the imaginary table, grits his teeth, and yells at the offender.  Everything makes him cry, and he has been taken over by the whiny monster.  Where did my sweet Vahny go?  Kevin thinks maybe he is in a bad mood because he is refusing to poo.  Potty training with him has been a struggle.  It seemed to happen over night though.  All of a sudden he didn’t want to wear pull ups and we hadn’t been working on it very long.  Well, the whole poop part of it scares him (it cary mommy, cary).  For the last 3 days he has refused to go although he complains about how it hurts.  He keeps asking for me to put a diaper on him and I have been refusing.  He won’t even accept bribes which have worked in the past!  Seriously, so every time he needs to go, I will have to put a diaper on him and clean it.  I don’t think his teacher at school is going to enjoy changing the diaper of an 8 year old.  Finally this morning he went all on his own.  I think I saw the clouds part and heard the angels sing.  Granted he still has some of his ‘tude, however, he isn’t as clingy and whiny.  YEAH!!  Maybe this is the beginning of no more potty struggles (fingers crossed)!

Vahn is funny in this way.  His yes is yes and his no is no.  It is hard to bribe him.  He also has to be diciplined in a different way than the other two.  Example, I took away pretty much all their toys because they weren’t cleaning them up.  Vahn smiled while Cozette was crying.  I told them they can earn them back by doing chores.  Vahn said in his famous (it’s never just no) ‘”no fank you”.  Vahn got to go to bed instead and it didn’t seem to bother him at all.   As we speak, most of his toys are still put away and he doesn’t care!  I have to stand my ground or he will run me over.  Compromise hardly ever happens.  It isn’t in a bad way, it’s actually pretty funny!  He is one we aren’t to worried about peer pressure (it doesn’t work now and it will probably not work in 10 years).  Each of my kids crack me up with their personalities and idiosyncrasies.

Moments like these erase the whiny morning and the sibling rivalry. i believe in speaking into my kids (i.e you are kind, gentle, thoughtful, brave etc.) and dream building with them. In our house we talk a lot about what they want to be when they grow up. After naptime i was snuggling my youngest (3 in 10 days). In the past he has said he wants to be a doctor who fixes cars (can you guess his favorite movie?) or a police officer. Today i asked if he wanted to be president of the United States (we have a president book we read and they memorize), he nodded no. Do you want to be a police officer? Again, nodding no. Do you want to be a fire fighter? Nodding no. Do you want to marry a rich girl so you can sit and watch t.v all day? An enthusiastic nodding of yes.